Successful Relationship Communications

Successful Relationship Communications

Effective communication is a must for any relationship to be happy and successful. In fact, studies show that the number one reason for success in relationships and marriages is good communication between the two partners, whereas, the number one reason why relationships and marriages fail is poor communication.

Contrary to what many people believe, successful communicators are made, not born. By this, I mean that being a successful communicator involves learning, or improving upon, a specific set of skills. The key elements of the communication process will help you to avoid miscommunication and greatly enhance your chances of having a happy relationship or marriage.

Most people think they know a lot about communicating because they spend so much time doing it. Linguistic experts tell us that we spend from 70 to 90 percent of our waking hours in some type of communication activity, but just because people are communicating, that doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re doing it well.

So what is communication? Is there a simple definition? I think so. I define communication as a two-pat process in which information is provided clearly and unambiguously, and in which it is received accurately and without defensiveness.

There is a very true analogy about relationships that says; communication is to relationships what breathing is to life, and that communication is the largest single factor that determines what kind of relationship a person has with another.

For example, troubled or unhappy couples often seem uncomfortable and cold. The atmosphere and that language tend to be formal or polite, but they often seem tense or bored. One or both people are often frightened, because they never know when lightening, as in criticism or an attack is going to hit them.

On the other hand happy couples are almost the exact opposite of troubled couples. The atmosphere in nurturing relationships is one of genuineness and warmth. Both people seem to enjoy being with one another. They are openly affectionate, touching and hugging all the time. Conversations are real. They talk with rather than at one another and also listen with interest to what each other has to say.

In order to have a good level of communication in a relationship there must be a high quality and a quantity of unbroken time with each other. Couples need to get away alone together and just spend long stretches of time keeping the communication channels open. Whenever two people get so busy that they stop taking time to talk there are guaranteed troubles ahead.

Communication requires both speaking and listening. It requires a clear understanding between the major differences between a man and a woman. For example men are more direct and women are more indirect. Men are more focused on results and completion or closure, whereas women are more concerned about relationships and the process of communication. It is this lack of understanding that often leads to misunderstandings in relationships and marriages.

For example, suppose a couple is on a trip and they have been in a car for several hours and the wife is thirsty and sees some restaurants ahead. She says to her partner “Are you thirsty?” He says “no” and keeps driving because he wants to get to their destination as soon a possible. The woman then feels hurt or even mad because he was insensitive to her needs, but the man doesn’t know that because of the way she phrased the question.

Here are five guidelines that you can use to help enhance your relationship communication:

1. Begin thoughts you want to verbalize with the pronoun I. For example, say, “I’m frustrated . . .” or “I’d like to go to . . .” or “What I’d really like is . . . “ We’re conditioned at a young age that saying what we really want is selfish, but if we don’t tell our partner or spouse what we really want it leads to ineffective communication.

2. Avoid beginning sentences with you, we and let’s. Those pronouns are often misused so that it becomes a way of manipulating, accusing or even attacking your partner or spouse.

3. Become an effective listener. Active listening involves allowing your partner or spouse to talk. You should always rephrase what he or she has said, and also ask questions to clarify a point to get more information.

4. Never interrupt your partner or spouse in mid sentence. Let your partner speak completely and then paraphrase back to him or her. Researchers have found that men are much more likely to interrupt then are women.

5. Look into your partner’s eyes when he or she is speaking to you, rather than around or away. It’s always good to give nonverbal signals such as nodding in agreement.

Awareness is really the key to a happy and successful relationship or marriage. If you refrain from saying anything that you would not like your mate to say to you’ll be more aware of the impact that your words have on the relationship.

Couples that can assume responsibility for and identify their own individual feelings and needs and talk with their partner or spouse about them in a clear, descriptive and unambiguous way are the most likely to live together in a peace, harmony and happiness.

Joe Love draws on his 25 years of experience helping both individuals and companies build their businesses, increase profits, and success coaching programs. He is the founder and CEO of JLM & Associates, a consulting and training organization, specializing in career coach training. Through his seminars and lectures, Joe Love addresses thousands of men and women each year, including the executives and staffs of many businesses around the world, on the subjects of leadership, achievement, goals, strategic business planning, and marketing. Joe is the author of three books, Starting Your Own Business, Finding Your Purpose In Life, and The Guerrilla Marketing Workbook.